SBG 125: Van Helsing with Alix Markman
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Welcome back to Lez Hang Out, the podcast that will now be brought to you with a Transylvanian accent.
This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with Alix Markman (@markwoman), television and video game writer and returning podcast guest, to talk about why the 2004 campy, spooky action masterpiece Van Helsing Should’ve Been Gay.
If you are like Leigh and somehow managed not to see the chaotic bisexual fever dream that is Van Helsing 2004, the movie is essentially The Avengers for classic monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, and the good ol’ fashion werewolf.
This monster hodgepodge is incredibly queer throughout, with Dracula’s wives in a sexy polycule, Dracula himself having an intriguing lovers to enemies to lovers vibe with monster slayer “GAY-briel” Van Helsing, and a beautiful bond developing between Van Helsing and Frankenstein’s Monster (and beloved himbo Carl) throughout the film. Of course, because it is 2004, literally every queer-coded woman ends up dead in the end, and we will not stand for this injustice!
In our better, gayer version of Van Helsing, we honestly do not even have to change that many things. There was every reason for Anna to either get bitten by her brother to become the werewolf that ultimately ends Dracula or get turned by seductive vampire Aleera and join the power polycule. She 100% did not have to die before ever getting revenge for her family, but of course Van Helsing gets the glory instead. Along with talking about how we would change the movie to be even gayer, we also discuss the inherent queerness of monsters (there is no such thing as a heterosexual vampire and you cannot convince us otherwise) and briefly touch on the trans allegory of Frankenstein’s Monster.
We know one thing for sure, Van Helsing Should’ve Been Gay.
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